Relationships suck.
Sep. 8th, 2011 01:35 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
meitantei_cjCANNOT CONCENTRATE ON THIS READING. Meh. Fuck it. Tomorrow morning. Will mean a rushed read of the document, but whatever. It'll be more than I did for today's class; I wasn't even aware we had to read anything for today. I've started a bit of it.
I'm starting to realize how solitary a person I've become. I get into relationships and people start confessing their love every time we talk, and I start feeling smothered. It's probably not even that bad, but it irks the hell out of me. I start off okay, but then I just want my own space. I mean serious space. Maybe I'm just not a romantic.
I'm going through that with Charlie now. There are a couple of other issues that I won't go into, but I'm this close to breaking it off. It's only been a few months. We have fun together, but I just want to stop. I want to go back to being friends, and I'm scared to death of telling him that, because he has completely latched onto this relationship. (There's also the fact that, in my experience, the whole "let's be friends" thing has never worked. One instance. That's it. And we don't really talk, and it's probably for the better because he's long since moved on, while I'm on the fence about whether or not I have.) He's feeling good about himself and being more productive. I feel like if I say something, it'll take everything out of him. This all works out for him, but a) I'm not really feeling any of this right now, and b) this wasn't supposed to happen. There was not supposed to be a relationship. I was supposed to enter Juniata with a clean slate. I'm gonna be here for a minimum of two years. A long-distance relationship is going to suck. And when I get back home during breaks, I know I won't necessarily want to hang out with him. When I was still in the city, I'd sometimes fake illness to postpone/get out of hanging out with him. That's still in my mind, the fact that I completely went against my intentions and let this thing start, knowing it probably wouldn't go well. I'm not happy about it. I feel like the best thing to do would be to stop it before it gets too far out of hand.
He seems like he's hitting a turning point in his life, and I feel like I'm about to bludgeon him over the head, but it's not fair to me to keep going when I'm having doubts, right?
Meh, relationships. Who needs 'em.
I'm starting to realize how solitary a person I've become. I get into relationships and people start confessing their love every time we talk, and I start feeling smothered. It's probably not even that bad, but it irks the hell out of me. I start off okay, but then I just want my own space. I mean serious space. Maybe I'm just not a romantic.
I'm going through that with Charlie now. There are a couple of other issues that I won't go into, but I'm this close to breaking it off. It's only been a few months. We have fun together, but I just want to stop. I want to go back to being friends, and I'm scared to death of telling him that, because he has completely latched onto this relationship. (There's also the fact that, in my experience, the whole "let's be friends" thing has never worked. One instance. That's it. And we don't really talk, and it's probably for the better because he's long since moved on, while I'm on the fence about whether or not I have.) He's feeling good about himself and being more productive. I feel like if I say something, it'll take everything out of him. This all works out for him, but a) I'm not really feeling any of this right now, and b) this wasn't supposed to happen. There was not supposed to be a relationship. I was supposed to enter Juniata with a clean slate. I'm gonna be here for a minimum of two years. A long-distance relationship is going to suck. And when I get back home during breaks, I know I won't necessarily want to hang out with him. When I was still in the city, I'd sometimes fake illness to postpone/get out of hanging out with him. That's still in my mind, the fact that I completely went against my intentions and let this thing start, knowing it probably wouldn't go well. I'm not happy about it. I feel like the best thing to do would be to stop it before it gets too far out of hand.
He seems like he's hitting a turning point in his life, and I feel like I'm about to bludgeon him over the head, but it's not fair to me to keep going when I'm having doubts, right?
Meh, relationships. Who needs 'em.
