FUCK FUCK FUCK.

[meitantei_cj]

Or: CJ Suffers From a HUGE Inferiority Complex.

I have to produce 15 lidded vessels by next Thursday, making three different kinds of lid, on the wheel. And by 15, I mean 15 GOOD ones. Which means probably THROWING a good... I dunno, with my skill level on the wheel, 30 or 40?

This combined with forgetting over the weekend (hello, personal issues) that I had to do an assignment for WAM that I literally could not do this morning because it requires listening to an episode of This American Life and they're too long for me to have thrown something together this morning... guess where my stress level is? Yeah. I am not going to the first class. I won't be able to contribute, anyway. It'll count against my two allowed unexcused absences, but I really don't care at this point.

I'm dreading showing the vessels I made for today's class. I handbuilt all of them (and one isn't assembled because that's the one I gave up on, because it looked stupid--I'm hoping the ones I did throw aren't too small to be counted), so of course they're not nearly as polished as anything on the wheel, which is pretty much what everyone else will have done. Boot may not have done it because both of her wrists are screwed up, and this one other kid--don't remember his name--handbuilt because he messed up one of his hands. I specifically didn't throw over the weekend because I didn't want the aggravation from failing to add to my already down mood. Seems it's gonna be forced on me this time. I feel like I took the coward's way out in handbuilding, and I'm just waiting to get talked to about it. I'm at such a disadvantage, though. Everyone starts somewhere, but everyone else in that class already got their start. I'm just starting now. I'm starting to wish I hadn't taken this class just yet and done Wheel Throwing first, although I don't know if I'd have gotten to take this one before I graduate. I wonder if it would have been worth it to wait on this.

I need to breathe. I know stressing out over this isn't going to help me, but I can't help it. I think if I just had to throw some vessels, it wouldn't be too bad. It's the lid thing. And everything has to look aesthetically pleasing. The lids and the vessels have to go together. I have to figure out what I'm doing.

I am going to be in that studio all day on Friday. Damnit.

Sorry. I'll stop.

Comments

[yasha-chan.livejournal.com]

*hug* Oh bb, I know these school woes oh so well. If you ever need to talk, or hell if you're ever just feeling down and want an understanding person to listen, you can always shoot me a message. I'm glad that things are getting better tho (at least according to your fb!) ♥

[meitantei_cj]

Yeah, it's better. Bethany's taking into account that two of us haven't thrown very much at all, so we're allowed to throw, or hand-build, or do a combination of both. That's not what the assignment said, which is why I freaked the hell out. -_-; I still have to make a lot of vessels, but at least it's not like, ALL OF THEM have to be thrown. That would've almost killed me.

I have enough to deal with right now, damnit. XD;;

[yasha-chan.livejournal.com]

Hahaha, it's so annoying when you freak out first then actually talk to the teacher later only to find them willing to be reasonable. Then you're like, "Damn it, I wasted all that time freaking out, arrrrghhh". And yet we never learn, old habits die hard. Sometimes you get so caught up in the pace of school that you feel like you're being whisked away by it.

Don't worry bb, you'll pull it together, you've always done well and I don't see that changing anytime soon. I'm hoping that there'll be some fun times this weekend for you so you can relax and get all the stressful stuff off your mind for a little while